Sucker

You are down with flu.
Coughing, phlegm, running nose, blocked nose you name it all.
You have problem breathing properly and that annoyed you and disturbed your sleep.
A nose sucker or a more appropriate term: nose cleaner is here to help, big help actually.
After each time your Pa help you to clear your nose, you would smiled and looked totally relief and happy.
So, this is one of a MUST HAVE for any parents out there.
Highly recommended as it really helped clear and remove lots of mucous and that makes our little one feeling so much better in seconds.






Right:
- made in Japan
- can get in any department store
- RM 13.90
- suction easily control
- mucous is trapped in the clear bottle where we can see
- mucous won't flow back
Left:
- locally made
- can get in any hospital or pharmacy
- RM 6.50
- stronger suction as there is no room for air
- can't see and observe the mucous

Conclusion: Both are good in their own way.

You are late

Overdue: 3 days

You still did not make an appearance today so we did what any soon-to-be-parents would do, we cooked. Kai Ma Sue asked about your arrival again yesterday. She is now back in Perth. She reakon you wanted to wait until you are older to be a queen insted of just a princess. She might be right.

I cooked spaghetti while your Pa baked a chicken with rosemary and peach. He claimed that's his own recipe, and that chicken taste real goood...

We had your uncle Ryan, uncle Sam & auntie Linna dropped by for dinner.

I then had durian after dinner.

I want to eat all food before you came cause that's a smart thing to do I think.

Again, when are you coming? We are still waiting...

Anyway, mommy will need to go check on you in the hospital tomorrow morning.

Will see how it's gonna be then. Goodbye for now.

Kiss...kiss...

No sign from you at all

Count down: 3 days to go till 9 Jul

There is no sign of you coming at all. I don't feel anything, not even a single bit.
You are still not ready, aren't you?

We went in for our most likely final check-up. The doctor checked me and she confirm that there is still no sign of you arriving. Your heartbeat are well and stable, I still have not feel any contraction and the pelvic is still shut (zero cervical dilation).
And that would means that we will not meet you anytime soon yet as the doctor also said that you will definitely be overdue, given a period of another 7-10 days before your arrival, and that is still not sure. It's up to you now.

Your Pa was obviously disappointed. We asked the doctor if we could have a C- section to get you out but the doctor was strongly againts it. She claimed that there is no good reason for her to ask me to go into a C-section as everything is good and stable. You are well. Your heartbeats are stable. I am totally well except you still want to stay inside me for a little longer. So, your Pa and I agreed to wait and follow what you want.
You just make sure you push harder anytime you wanted to be out ok. Don't drag too long during the whole process. Give mommy a quick delivery, deal? Deal! :)

Oh, your Pa dreamt of you again. You were playing in front of the fountain and you refused to go to him when he called upon you.

Let's see what else or how many more dreams about you he will have until we meet you :)

It's like we have known you a life time

Count down: 4 days to go till 9 Jul

Your Pa and I went back to see grandpa & grandma today.
Ya, I know a little risky to go out of island with you coming to the world anytime.
But I didn't feel a single thing or sign that you are on your way. Not even a slight contraction, or any kind of pain that is describe as period cramp or pain.

Ah ma (婆婆）& ah kong （公公）were so delighted to see us. I know. I can tell from that smile on their face. It was so good to see them too. Ah ma cooked mommy's favorite food.
Mommy is happy to see them before you are here as it might be a while till I will see Ah kong again.

Every other people at home commented that I have put on so much weight that I might not lose after delivery. My feet swell one hell of a lot. It's huge.
Believe me baby when I tell you that. My face has turned into double size rounder. What to do? It's all for you and I am willing to do it all over again just for you seriously.

We reached home at 11:30 at night. Will go in for a so call might be my last check up tomorrow until the expected due date given by the doctor-9 Jul. Both of us are so thrill knowing that we are so near the finish line. Your papa has been having a few sleepless nights waiting for your arrival.

And then, that mix feeling comes back and attack me again. I felt emotional again looking at your scan photo given by the doctor thinking I can't believe I'm finally going to meet and hold you in such a short time.
Tears started to slip thru my eyes (I am sure by now that it must be the hormones) and I am thinking how come we are already so in love with you even without having to hold, kiss and meet you in person?
It's like we have known you a life time to have love you this much.

Count down begins

Count down: 14 days to go from the due date give by doctor - 9 Jul

We started the 2 weeks count down from today :)
Doctor told me to stand by, meaning I am on 'anytime' mode, meaning I am a timing bomb from now on.


Can't wait to see you angel!!

Our little dress

This little dress you see the bear wearing and the red top on your father's belly belongs to mommy.

Yup, that's right. I wore them decades ago but grandma still keep them for us.

You are going to wear them when you are here. It's up to you after that if you want to keep them for your children.

Laundry day

Today is not an ordinary laundry day.

It is your laundry day.
We washed 2 huge loads of all your mini little clothing.

Some bought new, some hand-me-down.

Your clothes look so cute hanging out there under the bright sun.

Can you believe they made such small clothes, mitten & socks for tiny little human being like you.

Seeing your face

We see your face today.

Hi there Little person!
You were blinking your eyes.

You were awake.

We see your tiny face, nose, lips and your hand that is covering your chin.
Resting and thinking pose (that's my thot) but not sure what you were doing exactly .

Isn't it amazing how we already can get a glimpse of you when you are still there incubating in me.

Pa & ma are totally so overjoy to see you, not in person yet but this is good enough for now.

If you ask me, same thing I'm telling you: Can't wait to see you!

p/s: till we meet, be well, stay healthy, swim and groove baby

luv always,

mom

Things to buy

Things to buy before your arrival:

milk bottles
pillow & bolster
powder container
sarung
baby detergent
cotton bud/balls
baby cot
mattress
baby clothing
towels
napkin
infant car seat
stroller
baby carrier
bouncer
diaper bag
baby monitor
sterilizer
cot musical mobile
Ikea 4 tier drawer
thermometer
brush
bottle drying rack

Did I miss anything you need?
Hmm....

29th weeks

14th Apr

The Left: This is mom with you inside me.

The right: That is you at the 29th weeks of our journey.

Love that round melon head of yours.

28th weeks old

5th Apr

This is how huge you are now at 28th weeks, with Pa and the Lil' Honey bear.

Putting it all behind

Mommy woke up this morning and decided that is it. I think I have had enough worries with the test result, and keep thinking whether you are going to come out alright has not make these few weeks enjoyable for both of us.

We still have so many months to go with this pregnancy. Mommy suddenly feel so sorry and wanted to apologise for being such a weak person.
How am I going to take good care of you if I am still hanging at a state where I am so vulnerable and so worry all the time? I can't go on living like this.
So, your Papa and I had a good talk and we have promised to each other again that whatever happen to you, we love you anyway. Give you up? Never!

I had Papa promise us that he will love you, love us, love this family even if it is not a perfect one coz this is what family is for. He promised without hesitating. He said he already made that promise long time ago: for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish...remember?

You still mean the world to us and you will always have us with you through out your journey of life no matter what happen to you.
This is our promise to you, with so much love...from mom & dad...

High chance a baby girl

Now at 23rd weeks, doctor said that there is a high chance you are a baby girl.
She did not 100% confirm it but she said the chances is higher as she can already see a "hamburger" from the scan.
She will confirm again once she can see a clearer view on our next visit.
So high chance you will be Renee :)

To tell you the truth, we are both still worry about the test result. How could we not? It is not an easy news to bear and since we had decided not to go for further test as a further test still can't be 100% accurate. We will still need to bear with the fact that there is a slight chance that you might be born a down for the whole term of my pregnancy until you are born.

I still cried thinking of it sometimes. Papa has always been calmer from the beginning as if he is so sure that you will be fine and perfect.
Baby, you make mommy so happy and worry sick at the same time.
If only you can just tell me you are well and normal, that will mean the world to us.

Give me a sign that you are alright could you, like maybe by giving me a super kick now...

See you in the morning

We are going in for check-up again tomorrow.
It's your 5th check-up.
We are both happy tonight and can't wait to see you and what you are doing in there.

Nite nite and see you in the morning.

For you are you

I received a phone call from our doctor at work few days back. I listened to every single words she told me so carefully and my body felt numb all over. I know I have heard whatever I need to hear because she has made it sounded so clear but I asked her to repeat everything she just told me again anyway.

My head swirl faster and faster "Kai Ling, your triple test result has came out, and it has indicated that you have a high chance of carrying a down syndrome baby. What you can do now is to come in to do another test to confirm the result, the result has a higher accuracy compare to the Triple test.. however I'm not saying that your baby is affected now, triple test is only an indication that a further test is needed, it is not a result...." her voice went blank. I cleared my throat and my mind just went totally blank. I can't think of anything. I then asked if this is anything to do with my diet but she confirmed that this has nothing to do with food or anything. It is genetic, hormonal & etc.

I took a deep breath, did not call or tell anyone, went back to my work place and finished my forecast loading. Stop by the hospital to collect the test result on my way home and read at it over and over again hoping that the doctor interpret it wrongly, hoping that I am wiser than the doctor if I could find a mistake from that piece of paper.

I then called Pa and told him about it. He sounded calm but think that you will be fine. He wanted to look at the result himself. We spent the night looking and calculating at the possibilities from the report using his engineering calculation.
I finally broke into tears and cry. I am so worry about you. I keep thinking what have went wrong and how are you doing in there? Are you suffering or do you feel just fine. This is my first pregnancy and we have been full of joy all this while until this news came unexpectedly. I don't know what to think seriously. I keep thinking I just want you to be well, I don't care what I have to go thru.

This morning, we went in to do our monthly check up and our doctor explain everything to us again. She encouraged us to do another test, and if the result also indicated positive down's baby, then we can decide to terminate this pregnancy. The doctor just can't tell by the normal usual scanning. Thru the normal scan, everything looked fine. You were active, you grow well, you are doing your thing, you swim you kick and you almost seems like normal. You are normal!

I mean look at you from this scan, you look so beautiful.
The result indicated that the chances of you being affected is 1 out of 210 babies, which means the chances are still quite good that you will be just fine like other normal baby.
we have faith and believe that you will be fine so we told the doctor that we have decided not to carry on with further test and we will not terminate this pregnancy whatever it may turn out to be.

Pa is calmer. I still panic. I still cry. But somehow behind my mind and at a corner in my heart, I feel and know that you will be fine, that you will do great, and because we have decide not to do any test, that will also means that we will need to live with that ambiguity for the rest of this pregnancy. I don't know if I will be fine for a long time, I mean for so many more months but I will definitely try.

Pa & Ma talked about it and have also decided not to tell our families members and friends to avoid all the unnecessary worries specially grandpas & grandmas when no one can actually do anything now except to have faith in God and rest everything in His hands.

And as for you, please be well and strive harder for life baby, do it for you, for me and for Pa. Do it for the 3 of US.
I promise I will be strong even though I still can't fully except the truth.
Please always know that we will never choose to terminate you, to disown you for you are you...

Can you hear?

Hey angel, you are now at 16th week and we were told that you have started to hear sounds and voices.
Your papa had started to sing you songs. Lots of different songs and lullaby.
He kisses you good nite too.
I'm sure you could hear and feel us.

Bath tub

We bought you a bath tub today. It looks so comfy that I can't wait to see you taking your first bath with your duckling in there.
I am sure you like your tub.

Enjoying yourself

The check-up went well. You have grown quite a bit at 14th weeks, it's amazing how you are always moving non-stop and I do not feel you move at all.
Your heart beat it's like the drum beat and my all time favorite is you doing back stroke in mommy's pond.
You were so cute that you make me lost my patience to see you. I can't wait for another 6 months, that's too long…and you were lying down so comfortably that we can tell you were so into enjoying yourself that you were crossing your legs and one arm behind your head. what are you actually doing?
You even waved at us at one point, you were saying hi…

Doctor still can't see wether you are a baby boy or girl today.
So, you can still be Nathan or Renee...it doesn't matter. I love you both!

I dreamt of you

I dreamt of you last night.
I dreamt that you are a baby girl. A baby girl that has mommy's face and nothing like Papa, totally looking nothing like him in the dream.
You looked like you are already 3 – 4 months old. I told your Papa about the dream and he was a little offended that you look nothing like him...he said dream is just a dream, it is always opposite plus you can't trust a dream.
But you know what, whoever you may look like, me or your dad, we love you anyway, for you are YOU!

Papa not daddy

Your dad want you to call him papa instead of daddy.
He says he prefers the classic "papa'.
So papa he will be.